The Way I See It #348

I just posted in this blog, but I need to write more.

I am miserable.
I have never been so upset, sad, angry in my life.
It's always in the back of my mind.The love of my life broke up with me, and ended this relationship we've had for two years. He says he didn't want to end it, but that's what happened. All I want is to be with Sid and be happy and have it be like old times, but I don't know if that's possible. I begged him not to break up with me, and we tried it out, but then things just didn't work out. I know we're both to blame for things souring, but right now I don't think I can handle this anymore. I don't know what to do.


I'm at an impasse.
I miss Sid.

The Way I See It # 342

I guess I have to write this.

Sid and I broke up last night.

I don't know what to write here, or what not to write here.

I'm sorry, vagueness always sucks.

Life is going to be really hard for a while.


I hope we're right.

The Way I See It # 340

So.


I went out to dinner with my friend Dani last night. She's a really sweet girl. Sometimes a little too sweet. she's too trusting and puts too much into relationships. She literally throws herself at the feet of any guy she's involved with. I feel bad for her, because it usually means that she gets trampled. Dinner was nice, though, we went to "Roxy's" on Main street in Uptown, and then to "Mezza" right next door for some awesome ice cream. I found out that Mezza is also a hookah bar, but it was deserted on a Friday night, I guess a lot of people don't know it's there. I wonder how much the hookah costs....

It's raining like a bitch outside. I left Sid's this morning, and only once I was halfway home did I realize that I had left my phone at his apartment. I walked all the way back, and then all the way to my apartment completely soaked and hot due to the sweater, sweatshirt, scarf combination I was wearing to stay dry. I don't think I'll do that again.

I'm trying to come up with some articles to write for the Commonwealth Times. Maybe I'll do that today. Just start writing and see what I come up with.

The Way I See It # 336

I'm up to my eyeballs in vocabulaire francaise, I have a whole chapter in urban planning to read that I will probably finish tomorrow, The linguistics readings I had made very little sense, and I think I'm actually being challenged. C'est tres bien, je pense. Today was Sid and I's anniversaire, 22 months to be exact. Nous sommes sortis au dîner à "l'éléphant thaï" and had a great time! I had wonton soup, and it tasted just like my favorite back home at Tara Thai, and the fried rice. After dinner we got Ben and Jerry's ice cream from 7-11 and went to my apartment to hang out. It was a really lovely evening, I really enjoyed myself. :)


I'm trying to think up articles to write for the CT, does anyone have any good ideas?

Also, Evan has a blog now! You can find it in my "Favorite Roasts" under the link "logic laser: Welcome To My World"

The Way I See It # 314

The Way I See It # 311

My lack of updates clearly indicates how busy I've been. My summer is at an end, My last day at work is from 6-11 tonight, I'm packing up all of my belongings, I've done so much laundry it's crazy, I still have more laundry to do.

I'm crazy about getting down to Charlottesville tomorrow to move Jackie's furniture to my place. I have a huge pimple on my nose that hurts like a bitch, and i have nothing to wear, since all of my clothes are packed (Harrumph).

but life is good. Sid is moving to Richmond today, so that's really exciting. He says it's his time to officially move out of his mother's house, and that's such a big step! I'm a little bit intimidated about living on my own in Richmond. I'll have the comfort of good friends, I'm sure, but at the end of the day, will I welcome the silence, or dread it? At any rate, time will tell, and this is just another chapter opening up in my biography, I guess.

I'm really going to enjoy making my apartment my own, as I have said, so I guess if nothing else occupies me, there's that going for me!

The Way I See It # 297

So that nibble turned into a failed attempt at fishing. The woman interested in buying my drum set backed out this morning with, as she put it, "Cold Feet". I did get a not-so-sketchy post on facebook for the set, so I hope that works out. I really hope that works out. I could use $300 dollars pretty badly.

Today I should be hanging out with Sid and Julia but I haven't heard any word, so I don't know. My room is a mess and I need to clean it, otherwise I'm going to nuts. I also need to take out the trash before mom sees it. She would flip. She's going up to Hartford with Jackie on saturday to look at apartments. So that leaves the "trips" with Dad. What a great/fantastic day. Maybe I'll grow a pair and tell him that I can't stand being around him. But I probably won't.

I should go and start cleaning, otherwise I'll never do it.

The Way I See It # 287

I SHOULD be asleep because Sidney and I are venturing into the City tomorrow to see the Holocaust Museum. I'm excited. I've heard that exhibits are incredibly sad and striking, but I've never been. A note for Sid if he reads this: it is free admission, I was wrong! So that should be fun.

Later tomorrow night I'll be visiting Emma and having dinner at her place to eat and catch up. I'm looking forward to it. I always liked Emma, as I have said about a million times, and catching up should be fun. I trust she won't put on an Intervention about you-know-who, but I expect lots of questions, and I plan to give honest answers. I'm glad we're not going out because I'm sort of low on available monetary means.

Tonight I joined Sid and Julian and watched "Tron". I actually really liked it. I liked the look, I liked the costumes, I liked Jeff Bridges, it was good! I thought it was funny to see a movie about computer programs, who would have thought? My dad would probably love that movie.

now I should really sleep. If I take any picture of the museum, I'll put them up, but I don't think it would be appropriate to take photos, so maybe not...

before I go, I forgot to mention. That car accident Sid and I were in six months ago? I got a phone call from my insurance company telling me the case was still open because the man who's car I hit is now having accident-related surgery! I can't believe this. first of all I hope the guy is alright, but I can't believe six months later he's getting surgery. I won't even talk about the possibility of a lawsuit. I'm not really worried. It's probably minor, and my insurance will cover part of it. then it will be finally done with.

Do you ever stare at the screen so long that you get the spins?

The Way I See It # 279: Don't Ask

I got back from the Fourth of July Wedding with Sid's family last night. Overall the wedding was a nice time. I unfortunately didn't get to see/hear the ceremony due to seating arrangements, but I understand that it was a family function, so not being family I don't have priority. Other than the wedding, the weekend itself was not what I expected. We went down to Winchester Thursday night and stayed over in the hotel till Friday. The events that went on include a bunch of things I didn't expect, nor want to deal with, unfortunately. I guess I should have known things would be like the way they were. I don't want to give off the impression that I had a bad time, because I had a very good time at the wedding, but when we weren't at the wedding, things were difficult.
From dinner with Sid's mom and Jim which made me feel like a babysitter, to being included in a YouTube video, dealing with nasty behavior in the morning, and dealing with shit that I'm tired of dealing with, the events that unfolded around the wedding were lackluster.

I don't know what I wanted. I guess I just wanted to feel like a teenager, but I ended up feeling like the only mature person in the room. I don't always like that feeling.

I'm really pissed off right now, and I have to go to work in an hour. I hate going to work pissed off. I hate being pissed off in general.

I'll try and get online when I get back from work. I work 2-11.

The Way I See It # 278: FRESH BEATS

Julian's post was absolutely correct. Greg Gillis, AKA "Girl Talk" has some fucking fresh beats. I've linked the website where you can buy the CD in the title of this post, so click away if you so please!
Tonight I went to Ebbie's house for a shin-dig and I actually had a lot of fun. Everyone was there. I talked with Julie Chappel, who I never really talked to in high school, and thought wasn't very compatible with, but she's a really cool girl! It was actually really nice talking to her, and I enjoyed myself. It was nice to socialize with people my age, and also to get in touch with my actual friends at VCU like Ebbie, Emily, Julian, Brendan, etc. Kelly showed up but it didn't even matter. it was totally fine. I love closure!

Things got a bit tangled when Sid showed up after work, but we're going to talk about that tomorrow. All I was trying to do tonight was have a conversation, I didn't mean to start a fight.


I'm Tired.
"Set It Off" Is AMAZING.

The Way I See It # 276

I'm getting ready for work now, I better get moving because I have to leave in half an hour to get there at 10. Being 30 minutes from Tysons blows.

I mentioned the Letters video. it's great that you could vent your feelings like that. I guess that's the only thing I liked about the video. I didn't like what you said about me. I guess I can't change that. I've said I was going to put in an effort to be more supportive, but I guess it isn't showing. Sorry. I don't think you're weird, I've never thought that, and I don't know where you're getting that from.

I work 10-2 today, and mom is going to pick me up. When do you get off work?

The Way I See It # 275

I'm considering putting ads on this blog for some extra revenue, but I don't think I'm actually going to do it. The Tax implications are scary enough, and I don't even think it would be worth the trouble. It was a thought after I read a financial article in some magazine at the doctor's office. However, it's glamour has somewhat waned. I finally payed off my debt for the car accident so now that's off my chest. I am now 50 cents shy of $400, probably the most financially stable I've been in a really long time. This coming week I wont be working nearly as much (just 16 hours), but I'll be happy to have some relaxation time. Sid just invited me to dinner at Brio or Gordon Biersch and a movie. It's a generous offer and to be honest I have an eyebrow raised. It's wonderful that we're going to go out, but unexpected as well. I shouldn't complain, I love going out!

I ran again today. I ran steadily at 4.5, raised it to 5.5 and then back to 4.5 for 15 minutes straight. That might not seem like a lot, but I was really proud of myself! I didn't think I could do it. I pushed myself at the end towards 6mph and gave myself a huge cramp in my chest. I guess I deserved it for amping it up like that, but I was satisfied. To be honest I've had a rough couple of days at work, and been kind of isolated, and needed to sort out my feelings. I was surprised to find myself excited to run when I got home. I don't think I've ever felt like that before. Running gives me time to think, burn a couple calories, and get my head straight. I wasn't supposed to run today because of the plan but I just thought "Fuck it."

I haven't really talked to Sid all day except for his phone call a couple minutes ago. He was hanging out with Julia, and now he's hanging out with Mike. I should be asleep now because I have work at 10, but I was really looking forward to talking with him, and he won't be online anytime soon. I'm jealous that a lot of people get to hang out with him during the day like I can't. It makes me wish I had people I could turn to on my days off when Sid is working.


Sid made a video on Youtube called "Letters"
One of them is about me, I'm certain.
If there is more than one, I can't be sure.
I suppose I'll keep my thoughts to myself from now on.




I don't know how to end this.

The Way I See It # 274

It's 11 AM and I'm getting ready to go running again. I've been up since 8AM when my alarm goes off, but I've stayed in bed for three hours. Curiously no one has opened my door to inspect about my lateness. I can't complain, I hate it when my mom wakes me up. However, when I sleep in, it's always the sounds of social interaction and the tinking of breakfast plates that pulls me from my bed and down stairs. I guess I feel lonely when I try to sleep in, however comforting the down is.

Sid and I double dated with Abby and her boyfriend Rich last night, and it was fun. What wasn't fun was getting lost and me freaking out as the driver. The speeds were fast, and I didn't know where I was going. Sid was navigating, but I was having a hard time anyway. He drove home, which made me feel better. I don't know why my driving was so shitty. I didn't like it. Sphinx was nice though, although the DJ was making some awkward moves toward the woman on the big screen TV. After Hookah-ing it up we went back to Abby's house and played Smash Brothers melee. It was fun, but we were all tired, especially Sid who went down to Richmond early yesterday.

Yesterday I went to the mall and bought a dress for the wedding because all of the frocks I own are either black, white, or a mixture of the two. Not really appropriate for a summer wedding. So the dress I bought is from Banana Republic and was on sale, go me! It took literally no time to find it, and it's very pretty.

I have to work at 3 today, but at least I get paid, and I think Russel is working, which will be fun. Maybe Jessica is working too. I hope so, when I'm the only young person in the store I feel very.... alone. I cursed in front of my manager the other day and I cringe to think about it. I apologized, but still.... it's my fucking Hiring Manager. Ugh. I have to get my schedule for next week so that I can figure out if I can go down to the wedding early and stay over night, which would be cool.


I keep thinking about my driving last night. it's kind of humiliating to me. I hate the way I think about driving. I get anal when other people drive, and then my own driving can really suck sometimes..... it's not a good feeling. Abby asked if I was okay at the hookah bar, I guess I looked really rattled. I'm still rattled. I'm wondering if I'll ever be normal again.

The Way I See It # 272

I ran this morning and to be totally honest it wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be. I'm running this program in order to get myself from sitting around all day to running 30 minutes straight... and more. So I'm excited. granted it is the first day, but the entire routine only takes 20 minutes, so It shouldn't be hard to do this even when I work. Meaning, I have no excuse not to do it. I felt like I could run longer, but I'm just going to follow the plan, because I know that if I push myself too hard, I'll just give up sooner rather than never.

So I'm waiting for the shower now, and I've got some time to Kill. Sid and I saw Get Smart last night and I thought it was cute/amusing. I'm not a big fan of Anne Hathaway, but I liked Steve Carrel enough to supplement.

I have no plans for today, Sid is currently at a dentist appointment, and I'm in a steady state of waiting. My room is clean, for once, I took the time to make my mom happy and clean it. I can tell that she is at peace when we do what she says, so I've adjusted my reasoning accordingly. Sure I don't want to clean it, but for right now making my Mom happy is just about the most important thing.

Dad talked to me about furniture for the apartment next year and I got the very clear impression that he won't be paying for any of it, or at least that's what he thinks as of right now. I can't afford any furniture at the moment, however, so i don't know how that's going to fly.


whatever. Time to shower!

The Way I See It # 268

I'm so fucking nervous it's ridiculous. I'm sick of dealing with housing, I'm sick of working.... I want to go to the beach and just relax. I'm making it my job to plan a day that Sid and I (and a couple of friends..... I'm talking to you!) can head down or up to a beach for a night or so. We're both not going on vacation this summer, so I think a two-day trip is just the ticket.

My friend Julian reads this blog, and has so nicely linked me in his, that I've returned the favor. look to the "Favorite Roasts" on the right hand bar to find the link to his "Challenging The Doors Of Time". Holla atchaa boooyyy!

I'm off to Richmond tomorrow morning to get my shit done and over with. One of the perks with having a year lease will be that, if I choose to, I will never have to come back and see my Dad if I don't need to. I'm sad that things in my perspective have gotten so deteriorated. I'm sure he doesn't see it that way. I can't relate to the man, I don't like being around him, and he makes life hard. Life is going to be hard for the next six months to a year. I'm forcing myself to not go into detail so that I can truthfully say that I didn't let my mom down. She wants me tight-lipped.... not that being discreet isn't appropriate. it is. I just wish I could talk about it with someone outside my family.

Sid and I went to Tysons II Galleria because Tysons I is certainly tiring at this point. We went into Saks Fifth Avenue so I could window shop, and I'm afraid I made him feel really uncomfortable. Some people just don't see the point in looking at stuff like that. Sid didn't, but that's not unusual. I'm just being a girl. We went into a store called "Anthropologie" that sells clothing and housewares. I loved all of the house wares. Jesus Christ. I get excited about door knobs. What the fuck is with me? Maybe I should have studied Interior design like I had thought to. I'm just not artistically talented in drawing and things like that. A lot of the people I work with at Resto. got the job they have because they're studying Interior Design somewhere. It's funny because I applied for the job there because I'm interested in the subject.
At any rate, I thought Saks was nice, but uneventful. Maybe if I had thousands of dollars in the bank I might have bought that Prada handbag lying in the sale bin for 1014.00.
Or maybe not. :)

Wish me luck, I travel to Richmond tomorrow to fulfill my destiny.

The Way I See It # 265

I worked 2-11 last night and I am so exhausted. Too bad I have to go in today at 1-6. Tomorrow is my day off and I'll be spending it in Richmond looking for a house/room/roommate/apartment.... whatever the fuck I can find. I'm going to see Linda, who has been giving me a run around however nice she has been to me. The cleaning woman Tanya is here. I like her I guess. She's taking over for Dominga who is too pregnant to work. Resto. has a new Baby line and I think we should get her something from there, but it's really expensive and I don't get a discount.

Yesterday the VP of Resto came in and he was really nice. It was intimidating at first to meet the Senior VP of the company, but he was really cool and laid back, and really West Coast.

After work I got to see Sid, Alejandro, Nick, Evan, and Danny so that was nice. It was nice to be around people that are my age. Everyone I work with at Resto is so much older than me.... some have white hair. But the job is sweet, I can't complain.


I have a headache right now.... maybe I'll develop chronic ones like Sid.... ugh.

The Way I See It # 263

Working at Resto is getting to me. I love it there, the people are nice, and I get sweet money, but every day is a struggle. Over the last 5 days I've had terrible customers while everyone else has had an easy time, it's hard to keep working and feel confident when some middle aged woman is convinced that "You should be smart enough to know where the receipt roll is!" I'm frustrated because I have to know my schedule 2 weeks in advance, and know when I can't work a month in advance. I was late to Dorothy's graduation party yesterday by three hours, I'm barely missing our Father's day brunch and tonight I can't go to JB's party because I have to spend that time with my Dad.

I wish I had just had yesterday off. I wouldn't have been tired, and I could have stayed at Sid's house longer.

The Way I See It # 259: "I've Heard there was a secret cord that David played and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music, do you?"

For the first time in a while I don't know what to write about. It must be my brain acting up. I worked 12-7 today at Resto. That's 2 hours more than normally scheduled. At least I got a break. I went to The Soup Man for lunch, and it wasn't that good. However, I learned that they have actual ice cream there! I had no idea.

Work was good, as it generally is, but I'm being given more responsibility and that's pretty nifty. I'll be organizing and sorting "signage" (which is the sales we run and how to mark them), which apparently is the one of the weakest parts of the company. Sounds like a challenge to me, and a good opportunity to prove myself. I also sold over $1000 in bedding, so way to go me!

After work I went to Sidney's house to watch television and fall asleep; I was so exhausted after work. Dorothy invited me to graduation, and I might go if I'm not going down to Richmond on Thursday to hunt for an apartment or hound the VCU Housing staff. Hopefully I can do both!

Tomorrow I don't work, and I'm going to go see Sex And The City with Mom, Stini, and Kara. That should be fun, we haven't done anything like that yet, and I hear the movie is really good.
Maybe after I can head back over to Bakers Shoes (where I spent some of my break today) and get some sandals for work. I need a new pair of shoes pretty badly.

Working at Resto. has basically forced me to be a housewife. I've learned all about home furnishings, draperies, and soaps, and paint, and I've also learned a lot about cleaning. I learned how to Iron sheets for the very first time yesterday (To one of my coworker's dismay) and now I'll be able to starch and iron my own clothes. The thought of charging for ironing next year at school vaguely crossed my mind. Never mind ironing, I've learned how to appropriately fold bedding, towels, blankets, sheets, and down comforters to Resto. Standards. I also learned how to steam things without getting the dust that settles wet and sticky on the fabric, and how to display items on a table top so they look appealing. I never thought I would learn such womanly crafts on the job!

besides the information I'm sure I'll use again, I'm extra excited to see my paycheck on Friday. It's hard to work so much and not see a decent paycheck for a while. hopefully this will pay off my car payments that are looming over my head. I also hope that I can someday invest the money I make into the stock market. I haven't had another stock market lesson, but I still remember everything I learned. Hopefully that will all work out eventually.

Well, It's 3 AM and that's my cue to exit.