The Way I See It # 273

I've decided to make more of an effort to make friends with the people I work with. Sure I won't see them over the course of the school year, but that shouldn't mean that I shouldn't make the effort.

Today was a weird day. I ran, which was good, and then I didn't do much of anything until around 3 when Sid and I hung out for about an hour or so before he had to go to work. He was stressed out, so our time together wasn't exactly peachy. Things I think are getting hot as school approaches, and I should start to adjust accordingly. Perhaps a thicker skin is required and a set of friends to surround myself with. Maybe running will do me good, it will give me time to think and help me drop a couple in the process. The top items on my mind lately have been work, Sidney, furnishing my new apartment, and my family situation. I shouldn't be stressed out about family, but certain events have been brought to my attention that can't be ignored. I'm prepared to do what it takes to be accommodating for the changes we're all going to have to put up with, but none the less it's..... disappointing. I think that the word "disappointing" there is actually selfish, but I can't help what I feel. Knowing what I know about the intricate processes my family goes through day to day, makes me feel like this disappointment is deserved. I'm going in to Financial Aid to look into some merit scholarships when I get back to school, so maybe this can grease the wheels a bit. I'm happy to do it, and I know I can keep up the grades.

I like taking the easy way out, and I haven't had to make a lot of hard choices, but I think it's time I start stepping up to the plate and helping out around here. Recently it's been my prerogative to help out my mom in any way I can. I think deep down I feel that she's been treated unfairly, and she's the last person out of all of us that deserves shit from anyone.... not that she willingly takes it. She's strong, but there are some things that she can't change no matter how firm she is. I'm making it my job to speak for her when she feels she can't, and in turn take the bullets. I'm glad I'm not afraid anymore. I'm holding up a bargain, and as long as I'm keeping up my end I have nothing to worry about.

This have been getting harder but I just think these are growing pains. It's hard to deal with growing up, some of us are doing it faster than usual, and some of us are avoiding it. I like to think I'm taking it in stride, but everyone's a little lost inside, I think. Lately I've been remember the old days when my sisters and I were growing up. I've been remembering the food we ate, the activities we did. All of a sudden it's all coming back to me, probably because we were in a situation similar to the one we've been thrown into now. I just have to take it in stride and protect what I care about.

I think about who I was a year ago, and part of me thinks of myself as the same person, but I can't deny all of the growing I've had to do. Inside I still feel like I'm trying to find myself and project to the world who I am. Sometimes I feel detached, and that I'm pedaling a bike, but I'm not going anywhere. I think about the future and there are so many uncertainties. But I can't change that, so I shouldn't be hung up on it.

All I can do right now is Keep on Keepin' On.
And that's what I'm going to do.