Monday, November 10, 2008

The Way I See It # 409

So much for that sense of power I was feeling. I think I might have abused it, and I'm feeling miserable. I feel.....terrible. I don't know what to do. I feel.....feeble... and I....don't....know... what to do. I don't know what to do. All I need is time, but time is hurtful, I think. I don't know if Time will solve everything. I don't know if I'll end up where I should be. I am afraid of failing, and I'm terrified of making a huge mistake. I feel as though I've already made one. I'm trying to fix it, I'm trying not to bruise egos and hurt feelings, but I feel like I'm doing it all the same. I don't want to be the kind of person that does it.... at least I'm conscious of its existence, right? At least I know I'm being unfair, and now I can do things to fix it? Do I get any credit for that?

I feel like I should be locked in a room left only to myself to find the answers. Finding them elsewhere doesn't seem to be working.

All I have to keep me company are these fruit flies that I absolutely despise.

I let my guard down. Obviously. I feel embarrassed and..... not ashamed.... but I feel as though I'm being judged, and no one knows the whole story. All I have is my reputation, and because I was impulsive, I'm at risk of ruining it (in at least someone's eyes). How did I let this happen? Where did my judgment go? My good intuition?

I hope I still have it.
I hope I'm making everything right.

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