The Way I See It # 319: "Ch-ch-ch-changes"

I've decided to blog, I don't know why. I can't wait until more people I know come into Richmond. I already know a lot of people here, but a lot of the girls that I really made friends with aren't. I like all the guys from the 15th floor, but if I continue to join them, I'll never branch out. Plus I can't rely on Sid to include me in everything, because he shouldn't have to do that. If I lean on Sid to help me make friends things are only going to end badly like they did last semester, so I'm decidedly not going to toe that line. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like everyone changes when they get back to school, and I'm already feeling it. Maybe I need a change too. I need to be self-sufficient, I need to be independent, as afraid of that as I am. I feel like I need to kind of live my own life. I need to make decision based on what I want, and not based on what other people might need. I have a problem doing that. I need to fix this. As hurtful as it is, I can't expect people to always be there for me, and I need to accept that and move on.

I put in my application for the CT today, hopefully to direct me forward to my new independence. My own activities, my own schedule, and I can fit everyone into that. I need me-time, even if I'm not going to like it. One of my big goals for this year is to have fun. I can't sit in my apartment all night and not go out. I need to do things, I need to be the 19-year-old I am and have a great time. I'm going to make friends with all kinds of people, and I'm not going to cling to Sid for social interaction. I need to kind of blaze my own path, and it's going to be really, really hard, but it's something I need to do.