The Way I See It # 376

I've been waiting for hours for a class that has been just canceled. Oh well, maybe I'll perpetually be in a state of waiting. Patience is my virtue. All I ever do is wait. "D' attente". Maybe everyone is waiting for something. I wish that I could project my thoughts as eloquently as Misha can. Her prose is something I always enjoy reading, while my posts seem scatter brained. I was sitting outside today after eating and I felt like I was waiting. I wasn't waiting for anyone in particular, and I didn't expect anything to happen. Maybe subconsciously I'm waiting for something.... I'm anxious in a way that I can't explain. I guess subconscious is the best way to describe it.

I've been trying to figure out my dreams. In all of my dreams there is food that is/becomes spoiled. Last time it was pizza bites with flies, once before it was a smashed jar of peanut butter, and so on, and so on. I've looked up dream interpretation online. My friend says that these sites cannot give an accurate description of the symbolism of dreams, obviously because dreams are undeniably your own creation and thus personal to yourself. But I don't know what to make of spoiled food.

"To dream of milk that is sour or impure, denotes small problems that will torment you and give you much distress."

"To see or eat pizza in your dream, represents abundance, choices, and variety. It may also indicate that you are lacking or feeling deprived of something."

Wonderful. I'm not sure if these dreams represent something bad. In the dream, the spoiled food is simply annoying. I don't find myself really upset over the fact that I couldn't eat this, or that this particular food went bad. It seems to me like a reoccuring annoyance.

The Way I See # 375

My back/wrist hurt from drawing all night.

The Way I See It # 374

I already wrote tonight, but I am restless and up. I'm depressed. I'm alone, in my room. Usually being alone/the only one awake at night makes me feel comfortable and inspired. Now it only forces me to think, and that's the last thing I want to do. I thought being home would be comforting. But Friday I was alone all day, today I went to Tysons, but something felt different. I was alone when I went, and even when Mom and Kara joined me I felt like it just wasn't the same. Naturally being home by myself doesn't feel the same either. I thought the peace would calm me, but it's only left me uneasy, and I feel anxious to get back to Richmond. I don't want to feel like that. I guess I'm worried about a lot of stuff. I always have shit in the back of my head.

I'm getting emotions and feelings that I haven't had in... years. I don't want them. I want them to get out of my head and I want to be left alone. I hate....


I hate everything in this moment.

Maybe if I wait my perspective will change.

The Way I See It # 373

For the moment I'm letting sound waves alter my brain waves. It seems that without sound, I can't function right now. Normally I enjoy the silence, but right now I can't seem to stand it.

Today was a good day. Purchased some needed things, walked around Tysons, and went out to dinner for my Dad's birthday. I still have laundry to do and I need to buy some necessities for the apartment. I think I'll end up doing that last minute tomorrow.

I feel an uneasiness that I don't want to experience. I'm hoping that music will replace my emotions with alternative ones for the time being, that way I won't have to focus for a while.

The Way I See It # 372

Fresh Beats I'm Currently Addicted To:

1. Crips- Ratatat
2. Neighborhood- Aiden Hawken
3. Acid Tongue- Jenny Lewis
4. Dr. C- Alias and Tarsier
5. Oslo In The Summertime- Of Montreal
6. Save Yourself- The Colour
7. Signs of Life- Every Move A Picture

The Way I See It # 371

So I'm home, and while it's nice to be here, it's not as relaxing as I thought it would be. I did all my homework today while enjoying the weather outside. That was nice. I did run in to people I know, and I did go somewhere that I have in Richmond, but seriously fuck that. I was sitting outside in the middle of Vienna, and if that's not "Going Home" then what is?

I took a shower this morning, and I realized that my hair looks much better up here in Nova. Also everything in my house is immaculately clean because none of the girls live at home anymore. My bathroom was untouched and pristine, and so was my room. It was creepy, but comforting at the same time. Tomorrow I'm going to Tysons to do some much needed retail therapy. I need a new coat like crazy, so that's my mission for the day. Then tomorrow night we're celebrating Dad's birthday and going out to Dinner. That will be nice, I think.

Now I might cuddle in my Mom's room and eat ice cream out of a coffee mug.

The Way I See It #370

BORED BORED BORED.

I'm going home! Yay! I'm so excited!

I need to work on my French group project, and I need to start thinking about my physics project proposal. I really need to think about that.

But I'm going home and avoiding it instead! YES. Besides, what does physics have to do with anthropology? Absolutely nothing. :)


Off to Linguistics I go, and then to see Weezy, and then back for 3 hours of urban planning! My weekend starts tomorrow at 3 PM.